When you are looking for a mechanic, a chef, or a doctor, you usually look for someone who has experience. Experience suggests knowledge and trustworthiness. But does that hold true for relationships as well? Do you want to be with a partner that has a lot of relationship experience with other people?
According to the Before I Do report by The National Marriage Project, its “findings demonstrate that having more relationships prior to marriage is related to lower marital quality.” Explanations for this conclusion is that the more romantic relationships a person has … the harder it is for that person to maintain commitment because of a past full of break-ups and a knowledge of other “options” if a new relationship gets difficult. So, that relationship experience can negatively impact future relationships.
The report also talks about sex. One finding is that people who’ve had multiple sexual partners before marriage report a lower quality of marriage than those who don’t have a lot of sexual experience. Additionally, the report states that “In general, couples who wait to have sex later in their relationship report higher levels of marital quality.” The presence of self-control impacts the quality of marriages. A study published at The Institute for Family Studies reports that people who’ve only had sex with their spouses have the happiest marriages and experience the least amount of divorce compared to other couples. So again does experience matter?
Studies like these consistently warn us that what our past impacts our present and future. Experience isn’t always a great thing. This doesn’t mean that if you and your partner have lots of relationship experience with others that your relationship is doomed. But, it does suggest that it will be harder. You will need to work harder to reach the quality of marriage you desire. You may need to learn new relationship skills to deal with the challenges you will have. You may need to pursue people who have the kind of relationship you desire so that you can learn from them.